Growing up, many of us form specific ideals about family size, often influenced by our own childhood experiences. For my husband and I, coming from small families, the dream of a bustling household, one filled with laughter and chaotic gatherings during holidays, was very appealing. As our family dynamics shifted with the ages of our children—now four and six—it became crucial to evaluate whether we were ready to embark on the journey of welcoming a third child. With deep consideration and a collective sense of optimism, we ultimately decided that expanding our family was the path we wanted to take.
Before diving into this new chapter, my husband and I enjoyed a significant trip to London, marking our longest stretch away from our children since they were born. The thought of leaving them in the care of their grandparents did stir a hint of anxiety, but we felt reassured that they would be well taken care of and that we could shed the usual parent guilt associated with taking time for ourselves. Our week abroad turned out to be an enlightening experience—filled with adventures and newfound appreciation for each other as partners, separate from our parental identities. Upon our return, the whirlwind of planning our next vacation was swiftly overshadowed by a more profound realization that we were ready for another child.
Among the myriad of considerations when contemplating a third child, we understood that various aspects of our lives would inevitably change. The freedom we had recently rediscovered—not just as parents, but as individuals—felt so precious. Our children’s increasing independence had afforded us the luxury to reclaim small pieces of our former selves, while also allowing us to nurture our relationship. However, each new addition to the family brings a unique dynamic, and with it, the loss of certain freedoms. Though both love and joy await with a new baby—moments like first cuddles and the endearing sounds of a baby’s laughter—we understood that we were stepping back into a cycle of sleepless nights and nurturing an infant’s dependency.
As I found out I was pregnant, I was engulfed by mixed emotions. While I felt an immense joy and anticipation for our growing family, the grief for the independence I had only begun to reclaim started to surface. Indeed, I had just started exploring pursuits that defined me outside of motherhood—whether it was immersing myself in books, expressing my thoughts through writing, or enjoying that peaceful moment in the shower. Suddenly, these familiar pursuits felt threatened, and I grappled with feelings of selfishness for wishing to hold onto a piece of myself even as I prepared to welcome new life.
Acknowledging my conflicting feelings is essential. Emotions such as joy, anticipation, anxiety, and even regret are valid; expecting perfection in motherhood is an unrealistic approach. Every pregnancy can invite a different array of feelings, and recognizing that not all pregnancies are filled with joyous expectations is part of a fully lived experience. It is crucial to remind myself that while the moments of contribution and sacrifice define motherhood, every parent navigates their unique emotional landscape.
As the months progress, I focus on the wonderful aspects that await us—the giggles and sweet interactions between my boys and their new sibling. I envision the bonds that will form in our family as our children learn to navigate their roles as older siblings. As challenging as the years ahead may be, I comfort myself in the belief that this season of intensity will eventually shift; life will once again allow us to explore and travel. By giving myself permission to accept these multifaceted emotions, I embrace what it means to grow our family and the transformation in our lives that it entails.
The journey of motherhood is one filled with complexities and contradictions. It demands a delicate balance between previous selfhood and the responsibilities that come with caring for children. Although embarking upon the adventure of a third child may evoke feelings of trepidation, it is essential to remember that these conflicting emotions coexist with gratitude and joy. Each family’s journey is uniquely their own, an evolving tapestry woven from love, growth, and sacrifice. Embracing this intricate journey means honoring all the emotions that accompany such a pivotal life decision.