In the midst of celebration following the arrival of our fourth child, an unsettling feeling crept in as I noticed that he was significantly smaller than my previous three. Despite being born at full term, he measured two inches shorter and was a pound and a half lighter than his siblings. This initial observation, while concerning, was somewhat mitigated by his reassuringly good vital signs. He was alert and appeared to be healthy, but a nagging worry began to take root. Was his size a sign of something more serious?
Almost immediately, challenges arose with breastfeeding. Despite having successfully nursed my previous children, I found myself in tears, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Our newborn struggled with a painful latch and seemed unable to complete a feeding. Seeking help, I connected with an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) who guided me through the process. It took dedication—complete with a nipple shield, soothing nipple butter, and several sleepless nights—before we found a rhythm that worked for both of us. Gradually, I began to notice the slightest increase in his weight, though it was painfully slow.
By the time he turned one, my worries morphed into genuine anxiety as our pediatrician began raising flags about his growth pattern. He was falling off the growth charts despite our attempts to provide high-calorie foods. Rather than the expected eagerness for calorie-dense items like mashed potatoes, our little one gravitated towards fruits and vegetables. While promoting healthy eating is usually laudable amongst parents, I found myself wishing for him to indulge in less virtuous choices that might help pack on the pounds.
The prospect of consulting specialists weighed heavily on me as we were referred to pediatric gastroenterologists and nutritionists to explore the underlying cause of his slow growth. Scanning the internet for potential disorders added fuel to my anxiety, and meal times quickly transformed into a nerve-wracking endeavor. I envisioned every mealtime as a vital opportunity to get calories into my active toddler, but with every small bite taken, the shadows of doubt loomed larger.
Eventually, I received what I can only describe as a gut punch when we were informed that our little boy had been assigned the label of “failure to thrive.” This designation felt like a verdict—it implied that not only was my child failing, but in some twisted sense, I was as well. Despite gaining weight, albeit slowly, the emotional turmoil of being confronted with this term was staggering. My child was joyful, energetic, and meeting developmental milestones; yet, somehow, he was deemed a failure.
What compounded the stress were the conflicting reassurances from doctors, who tried to convince me that this label was not a reflection of actual failure. They emphasized that he was simply growing at a slower rate, which, while factually accurate, did little to alleviate the emotional burden of the term “failure to thrive.”
This experience led me to reflect deeply on the implications of medical jargon and the narratives shaped by such labels. It became abundantly clear to me that the term “failure to thrive” does little to aid parents struggling with similar challenges. Instead, it perpetuates feelings of inadequacy and stress, obscuring the reality that many children grow at different paces. My son was thriving in numerous other aspects—happiness, intelligence, and interactive qualities—so why should we label him negatively based solely on his growth curve?
Ultimately, we needed a new way forward. It’s crucial for the medical community to recognize the emotional impact of their language and strive for a more constructive dialogue. “Growth challenges” or “differential growth patterns” could serve as more accurate descriptors while simultaneously alleviating the unnecessary stigma attached to a label that implies parental failure.
The focus should not solely be on numbers and growth charts but also on the holistic well-being of both the child and the parents navigating such journeys. By reframing our understanding of growth challenges, we open the door to a supportive and understanding environment where every child’s unique development is celebrated rather than scrutinized.